Via TJC
We continue this week’s strategies for Resolving Conflict in marriage/families.
Each one of you should know that he is to procure his own wife in personal holiness and honor.~ 1 Thessalonians 4:4Bless and do not curse.~ Romans 12:14
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. ~ Proverbs 18:21
Disclaimer Alert: Procure means to obtain, especially with care or effort. Some translations weakly translate the word to ‘possess.’ Those of us in the Western world hear ‘possess’ as it refers to ownership, as in, I possess a car or shovel. Proverbs informs us that ‘He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the Lord.’ A wife is a gift. She is not a possession.
The tenor of this DBO is that no marriage can survive with a lack of honor or positive words spoken to each other. In the DBOs and teachings I have done over the years, no other subject is so rich in the scriptures as our spoken words and their impact. This places a very specific call on those who are mature disciples of Jesus. ‘But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.’ If I fail to verbally uplift and encourage my wife each day, then I have not provided for her. I am less of a mature man and worse than an unbeliever.
Sometimes, my wife forgets something, loses her glasses, or moves my toothpaste. In my head, I have this quick conversation. While I have improved, usually, about eight different snide remarks come to mind BEFORE encouraging words show up. But my improvement comes in the form of my disciplined thoughts. I put those initial words under my feet. I ask the Holy Spirit to provide me with accurate words that are sweet to her soul and healing for her bones. Then I help find her glasses again. The Spirit reminds me that ‘the tongue is a small part of the body, yet it boasts great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire!’ My old pattern was to humiliate my wife for her weaknesses, subtly reinforcing my own mind. Such weakness in me has its roots in insecurity and fear, and if spoken, it would set my world on fire.
Daily Battle Order:
Join me as we practice living with our wives in an understanding way. Before speaking, take every thought captive to Christ. Then, the habit of our words will bring forth honor and blessing for our wives AND us. Remember that ‘the tongue is a fire, the very world of unrighteousness; the tongue is set among our body’s parts as that which defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. Let our words, instead, heal and produce peace.
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